Is God Listening

     When I started this years ago, my goal was to help others find hope.  A hope that can only be found in a relationship with God, our creator.  As I read over my previous posts I try to find the promise.  In my heart, I know it is there.  God never fails.  He is always there.  Unfortunately, at this hour in my journey, I don’t know where.

     Now, I need the encouragement I wanted to help others find.  For years I have lived with a chronic condition.  My Pentecostal friends tell me, “have faith and you will be healed”.  My Baptist friends say, “God doesn’t do that anymore”.  Why?  My Bible tells me “God is the same today, yesterday, and forever”.  I always picture the disciples meeting the lame man at the pool.  He had been waiting there a while to get into the pool to relieve his healing.  But because he was lame, he couldn’t get there in time.  When asking the disciples for money he received something greater – healing.  He was able to walk again.  

     I have been to the alter for prayer.  I’ve even had other prayer warriors pray for me privately.  Still, no results.  Is God listening?  Each morning I move to the side of the bed and stand, fully expecting strength in my legs to be fully restored.  Then I grab for my crutches and head for the shower.  

     I don’t want to climb mountains or run a marathon.  I just to walk without assistance like I did 5 years ago.  I want to play with my children.  I want to walk the dog.  I want to be independent and take the burden of helping me off my family.  But for some unknown reason, God has said, “no”.

     I see people in their 80’s walking with no problem and I’m envious.  Drug dealers get around fine – yet I have to fight to get down the five steps in front of my house.  At my age, that shouldn’t be the case.  

     Yes, I am having a pity party.  No, I don’t think I’m better than the drug dealers.  Our righteousness is as filthy rags.  I know that.  But I still have to wonder, shouldn’t my intentions and goals earn me a little credit?  I just don’t understand.

     I see God working all around me.  I know He is around.  And I’m grateful for everything I have.  When I say that, I mean my family, my job, my friends.  I am very blessed.  At the same time, I am very disappointed.  Is that selfish?  Probably.

     I have to wonder though.  Is God listening… to me?

     I pray God blesses you abundantly.  Thank you for reading.